Organization XIII: A Parody
by webofdreams89
Summary: Series of oneshots concerning Organization XIII. Discontinued.
1. Nobody's Allowed

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**This first story is about Demyx getting his big break. Unfortunately, things don't go quite according to plan...**

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Nobody's Allowed

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I was completely psyched for tonight. It was my big break, the one I've been waiting forever since I became a Nobody and I wasn't going to let anyone ruin it for me.

After many incessant pleas and auditions on my part, Al, the owner of the popular club Nobody's Allowed (clever, huh?) agreed to let me play my sitar or one night, kind of like a test drive I suppose. If people liked me, then I'd get my license, or more accurately, a weekly gig.

When I informed Organization XIII of my major accomplishment, I didn't quite get the reaction I had expected. Sure Axel was gung-ho about watching me, but if wasn't gung-ho, then he just wouldn't be Axel. And I told him that Roxas agreed to go. I hadn't even _asked_ Roxas yet, but it didn't matter. Axel would do whatever Roxas wanted. (In truth, Roxas probably wanted Axel to leave him the heck alone, but Axel never quite seemed to grasp that.)

"Did you write the music you're going to play?" was the first thing Zexion said when I told him. It was probably the longest sentence he said to me within the last month, with the exception of: "Will you stop playing your sitar and pass the salt?" So you can see why I was a little surprised that he asked.

"Uh, yeah, I did," I was proud to say. He looked genuinely impressed.

He mulled it over for a moment before he said, "All right, Demyx. I'll be there."

Xemnas agreed to come, mumbling something about hopefully finding "the source of" my obsession with music. He wasn't likely to find it at Nobody's Allowed, but it was encouraging that our leader had agreed to come watch me perform.

I'd cornered Luxord, Lexaeus, and Roxas in the living room where Lexaeus was watching American Gladiator and Luxord was teaching our young friend to play Texas Hold'em. Interestingly enough, Axel was nowhere in sight.

The three of them agreed to come readily enough. It was the last five that put up resistance, all with ready-made excuses. Marluxia had to "get those plants in the ground before they die," and Larxene claimed her hair gel just couldn't stand up to the club's atmosphere. Saix just flat out refused and Vexen said he had to study. And apparently, Axel stole Xigbar's eyepatch again, as he wouldn't even answer his bedroom door when I knocked.

I figured I just had to be grateful for those who were coming, but I was a little disappointed that certain members of Organization XIII had better things to do that support me. One of the main reasons I joined was because there seemed to be such a strong emphasis on unity, on teamwork. (Right. Most of the time it was just Xemnas giving orders and the rest of us tripping over ourselves to execute them for fear of suffering Xemnas' wrath).

I'd decided to spend more time on my appearance tonight than usual because I just had to look good for my big debut, even deciding to wash my robes in a real washer. Most of the time I just went outside with a stock of dirty clothes and commanded water to soak them. It finally occurred to me (after years of listening to Vexen's speeches on hygiene) that my clothes weren't truly getting clean. Just festering.

After causing the washer to overflow twice, followed by mopping sessions, Lexaeus took pity on me and showed me how to use the strange, box-shaped contraption. I realized that it was fairly easy despite all of Larxene's claims that she didn't have the knowledge to work it. I always figured that if she didn't have the brainpower to use a washer, then I certainly wouldn't. I know now that she's just lazy.

Lexaeus also showed me how to use a drier, which was even easier. When my robes were dry, I pulled them out and proceeded to iron them. Ironing was also new to me. I thought I did a very nice job, as the burn hole is only visible if you stare at my feet.

I then showered, towel-dried my hair and body, and pulled on a pair of moogle boxers. I quickly brushed my teeth and picked up my bottle of hair gel. After squirting a glob into my hands, I ran it through my semi-damp hair, styling it to its usual perfection. Only, when I went to pull my hands away, they stayed there, plaster to my head. I screamed, trying to pull them off, but it hurt like hell. They were completely stuck to my scalp. I screamed again, running out into the hallway.

Roxas must have heard me because he came running out of his bedroom. He was the only one who came to aid me in my distress. I knew there was a reason I liked the kid.

He gave me one look before shaking his head sadly. "I told you not to use your hair gel," he said.

"When?" I asked incredulously. For the life of me I couldn't remember him saying anything of the sort.

"Yesterday after Axel put super glue in it."

"Super glue! Oh no..." How was I going to play my sitar with my hands super glued to my skull?

Roxas, as if he had heard my thoughts, said, "Nail polish remover helps break up super glue."

Which was why, two minutes later, we were at Larxene's door, Roxas knocking and me standing in my underwear.

"What?" Larxene snarled as she opened the door.

"Do you have any nail polish remover?" I asked.

"For what?" she demanded, looking at me with anger.

"Axel up super glue in my bottle of hair gel," I mumbled, looking away.

She must have sensed a victory because she said, "What did you say? I couldn't hear you."

I cleared my throat. "Axel put super glue in my hair gel."

She roared with laughter, her face turning bright red. I grew impatient, switching me weight over to my left foot. "Please, Larxene. Do you have any nail polish remover I could use?"

"Nope." I could tell she was taking a lot of pleasure in watching me squirm. If my hands wouldn't have been glued to my head, my shoulders would have been slumped in defeat.

"Please, Larxene," a voice said. It was Roxas. His face shifted slightly, frowning a bit. His eyes met hers, but you could see they were filled with sadness. Roxas was giving her is totally emo, you know you want to save me from me look. And it was working.

Larxene's eyes softened and she smiled slightly. She couldn't resist Roxas any more than the rest of us could. He was just too innocent and pure.

"Okay," she said in a soft sort of voice that I had only ever heard her use when Roxas was around. She left and came back a moment later with a full bottle of nail polish remover.

Roxas smiled brightly as she handed it to him.

After she closed her bedroom door and we were headed back to my bathroom, I smiled at him. "You, my friend, are that master of manipulation."

His brow furrowed. "I don't know what you mean, Demyx," he said. Either he was manipulating me right now or he was obviously oblivious of his gift. Man, what a waste.

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I arrived at Nobody's Allowed an hour later that I wanted to arrive but still long before my act. I waited back stage for roughly an hour and a half until I was to go on.

Butterflies in the stomach didn't even begin to describe the nerves I had while I waited for my turn to go on. But it did finally roll around and by then, I convinced myself I was ready to go on.

"And now, for your listening pleasure... Demyx, the number nine!" Al said into the microphone. I heard some clapping, but not a lot. It was a little disappointing but I forgave them because they had yet to hear me play.

I strutted out onto the stage with a smile on my face. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins after seeing so many faces in the crowd.

I took the microphone and said, "I hope you all enjoy the show," and put it back into it's stand. Putting my pick to the string and letting the music flow through me, I began to play.

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I joined my fellow Organization XIII members after my gig an hour later. All those said they'd be there were, clustered in a small group at a round table, with the exception of Luxord, who was engaged in a poker game on the other side of the club.

"Well done," Zexion said, looking satisfied that he said his two words of the night before turning back to his book. He was reading Great Expectations. Again.

"You play exceptionally well," Xemnas said.

I felt myself smile. Axel, in his usual flurry of excitement, offered to go get pops of those of us too young to drink. He came back a few minutes later and handed Cokes to Zexion and me.

"Here you go, Roxy my boy," he said, hand Roxas a cup as well.

I saw Zexion lean close to Roxas and say, "I wouldn't drink that if I were you. I saw him put something into your glass. Probably a date rape drug, I'd say."

Roxas blanched, quickly setting his cup down. Axel looked disappointed.

We decided to leave a while later, just as Luxord's poker game seemed to have wrapped up. He walked towards us, his eyes downcast.

Already knowing the answer, Xemnas said, "You lost, didn't you?"

Luxord solemnly nodded.

Xemnas pulled out his wallet with a sigh. "How much to you owe?"

Luxord shook his head. "Money won't cover my debt."

Xemnas looked puzzled for a moment, before groaning. "What did you gamble away?"

Luxord raised his eyes for a moment, but apparently thought better of it. "Thegasselle," he mumbled.

"Say that again," Xemnas commanded, his face growing red with anger.

"The castle," Luxord repeated precisely a second before he was flung out a bar window.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the first story. I'll be updating soon with another short story. Please review, i'd greatly appreciae it! Thanks.

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	2. What Paranoia Does

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What Paranoia does To the Normally Insane

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I rummaged around my drawer trying to find my usual incognito outfit that consisted of a pair of dark blue jeans, a black sweater, a plain baseball cap, and a hair tie. Once each article was located (for some reason, not a single one of them had been in my drawer), I threw off my black robes, put my outfit on, and threw the robes back on overtop. I put the hair tie around my wrist and tied the hat to the harness under my robes that I had made strictly for this purpose.

I took a minute to compose myself before I quietly opened my bedroom door and stepped out. The hallway was completely silent except for the telltale sounds of Guitar Hero coming from Demyx's room. It didn't surprise me all that much that no one was awake; it was 5:30 in the morning. Even Xemnas wouldn't be awake for another hour.

I tried to walk as quietly as possible as I exited the castle. I sighed with relief when I made it outside and onto the manicured lawn without encountering anyone. Half running, I deftly made it to my usual spot, the place where I always tossed the robe. Tying my hair back and putting the baseball cap on, I strolled from the small wooded area with my hand in my jean pockets, trying to act nonchalant. It must have worked because no one paid much attention to me.

When I reached Georgina's Generals, the local "you can buy anything here" store of the World That Never Was, I pushed the glass door open and strode to the counter.

I leaned onto the counter, did a quick sweep of the store with my eyes, seeing no one, and turned to Georgina. "You got the goods?" I asked in my most menacing voice.

"It's right here," she said, pulling the small brown paper bag from under the counter. I slide ten munnies to her, mumbled a quick "thank-you," grabbed my bag, and left.

I walked briskly back to the place I hid my robe and put it back on over my clothes. The hat and hair tie came off, going back to their original locations. I tucked the bag into the harness and walked back to the castle, all the while trying not to crinkle. Stealthily, I entered the castle and snuck back to my room. Dispensing myself of all my clothes, I put on a different pair of boxers, unable to determine if they were clean or not. At least it wasn't the same pair. Grabbing the brown paper bag, I headed to the bathroom.

After quickly going pee, I put a c.d. in my player, skipping songs until I found the one I was looking for: (Let Me Stand Next To) Your Fire by Jimi Hendrix. My purchase tumbled out of the bag after I turned it upside down. I picked _it_ up and grinned down at it greedily, knowing all too well that it was going to save my life. Again.

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Rolling over onto his side, Roxas groaned loudly, swinging his feet off the bed and standing up. He pulled on a pair of plaid pajama bottoms over his boxers and exited his room, heading directly for Axel's room next door.

This was the third time this month that Roxas had awoken to music coming from Axel's room before six o'clock in the morning. Frankly, he was sick of Axel's erratic listening-to-music-before-dawn habits. Axel was his friend, but he was a bit weird. Maybe if Roxas just suggested he listen to his music quieter or invest in a mp3 player, he _just_ might get the hint.

But then again, this _was_ Axel. He didn't really understand subtle; you had to spell everything out for him, otherwise he just didn't understand.

Roxas knocked on Axel's bedroom door for a full minute before he turned the knob and pushed the door open himself. Even before he knocked, he knew Axel wouldn't hear him, but he did it anyway. It was only polite. Besides, if Axel asked why he didn't knock, he could reply truthfully that he did.

He strode across Axel's very messy room, staring at the random burn holes everywhere: in the carpet, on the walls, on the ceiling. There was even a strange R-shaped burn on Axel's headboard.

The bathroom door was wide open so Roxas walked right up to it, stopping in the doorway.

"Axel, could you please turn down—what are you _doing?" _

Axel jumped, shoving his purchase the first place he could think of—down his pants.

"N-nothing!" he stuttered, refusing to turn and look at his friend.

Puzzled, Roxas asked, "Was that a hair-dying kit?"

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Okay, so my mysterious purchase was a box of hair dye and not drugs like you probably thought.

Shortly after I became a Nobody, I discovered that I had the ability to control fire, but something was very, very wrong. I was a fire element and didn't even have red hair! What kind of fire element _doesn't _have red hair?

Me apparently. My hair was bland, gray and nearly the color of Zexion's. He likes books so it's okay if he was gray hair, but not a fire element.

So I decided to dye my hair red. It's been quite a chore having to dye my hair again every time my roots begin poking through. And I have to sneak around just to obtain the hair dye because certain members of Organization XIII (cough, Larxene, cough) would never let me live it down. Which is why I keep it a secret.

"No," I stuttered, "It's not hair dye."

"Yes it is," Roxas insisted.

He was too smart for his own good. "It is, but you can't tell anyone."

He frowned. "Why not? It's no big deal. Marluxia and-"

"You just can't tell!" I cut it, my voice becoming hysterical.

"Okay, Axel," he replied, sighing heavily. "I won't tell." He walked to my c.d. player and turned the volume down.

"Promise me, Roxas. Swear you won't tell," I insisted.

He looked a bit annoyed and that was saying something. It took a lot to annoy Roxas. Rolling his eyes, the said, "I swear I won't tell anyone that you dye your hair, but you should know that-"

"Thanks Roxas," I said, very relieved.

He simply turned and left.

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"Hey Axel," Demyx said as I passed him in the hallway. But it was the way he said it. It was all "Hey Axel," versus the way it should have been: "Hey Axel."

He knew. I knew that he knew and he knew it too. Roxas had told. Damn it, Roxas, you told!

I nodded at him and kept walking down the hall. I knew I was being irrational. Roxas wasn't a snitch and he _swore_ not to tell. He was my friend and I should have trusted him. But I didn't. Paranoia has a way of doing that to people, turning the most everyday things into warped, twisted little demons that gnaw on your brain cells until you go crazy. I think one or two of those demons got a hold of me because I was already thinking of horrible, painful ways of extracting revenge from him.

The good angel on my right shoulder said (repeatedly) that Roxas would never tell, not in a million years. He was just that kind of guy: chivalrous and trustworthy, which was really saying something of a Nobody.

But the devil on my left shoulder, well, he was convinced that Roxas was just another conniver trying to move up in rank. If I went completely mental, then he'd be number twelve instead of thirteen and they would just have to recruit some new sucker to fill the "XIII" requirement.

I stopped suddenly, nearly tripping over my own feet from the sudden lack of movement. I knew that I was dangerous right now, with the paranoia and all, and needed time to be alone and think things over. Maybe I could just talk to Roxas, ask if he told...

But if he's a liar then he'll just lie again! Oh, how was I to know whether or not he was telling the truth?

I knocked on his door and he answered a few seconds later. He looked tired. Normally, I would have felt extremely guilty, but right now I was too far gone.

Pushing him out of the way, I entered his room. He gave me a puzzled look and shut the door.

"What is it, Axel? What's wrong?"

"Did you tell?" I asked, ignoring whatever he had said to me. My words just sort of spewed out of my mouth in a jumble.

"Tell what?"

"Oh don't play coy with me Roxas!" I said, throwing my hand up. I couldn't even believe he was using the "I'm innocent, I swear" ploy. I invented that! "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

He thought for a moment. "Are you talking about the hair dye?"

"Shh!" I said, quieting him. "Don't use those words! I think Xemnas bugged all our rooms." This thought had occurred to me as I had waited for him to answer his door.

"You're starting to sound like a drug addict."

"Answer the question! Did you tell?"

Again, he sighed. It was getting quite annoying. "No, Axel, I didn't tell your deep, dark secret that I'm not going to say."

I knew he was just humoring me, but I left anyway.

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That night as dinner I was completely terrified jittery even. I had been worried all day that Roxas had told everyone and had been having a good laugh at me for hours. It showed in their eyes, that they knew. They way Luxord asked my to "Please pass the mashed potatoes," I knew that he knew. And when Xaldin asked me what I had done with my Saturday, I knew he knew too. Everyone knew!

Damn you, Roxas! I shot him an evil look and he didn't even have the decency to look guilty. Nope, instead he looked hurt that I'd given him such a look. Well, there's going to be more evil looks coming your way, Roxy boy!

"You all already know how I spent my Saturday," I said in response to Xaldin's question.

"We do?" Larxene asked, looking at me as if I was delusional. An evil look was sent her way too.

"He probably slept all day," Marluxia said.

"Stop playing dumb!" I shouted, slamming my fists on the table and standing up. "I know Roxas told every single one of you what I did today."

"Roxas didn't tell us anything," Vexen said as if he worried for my sanity. Well, I worried for his!

"He should have, though," Larxene said, always fishing for a good piece of gossip.

"Stop covering up for him! I know he told you all that I dye my hair!"

Looking around the room at everyone's faces, it finally dawned on me that the little angel had been right. Roxas didn't tell anyone that I dye my hair. I did.

I mentally slapped myself and sat back down.

"I told you I didn't tell. Besides, as I kept trying to tell you earlier, Marluxia and Saix dye their hair too. Larxene's a hairdresser and she does it for them." Roxas, you poor thing. I felt bad, really bad for mentally abusing him all day. I felt my face become red, probably as red as my store-bought hair.

"Pink and blue are hardly natural colors," Saix pointed out.

"So that's why your hair just sticks out like that," Larxene mused. "You must dye it all the time because I've never seen your roots. It's so fried, it just _stays there."_

At that moment, I felt like the biggest idiot in all the worlds.

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed this story as it was really fun to write. Please leave a review and let me know what you think.**

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	3. Larxene's Revenge

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**A/N: Sorry it took so long for me to get the next story up. I promise you won't have to wait so long next time because i'm almost done with it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts in any shape or form no matter how much I wish Riku were mine...**

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Boy's Night Out/ Larxene's Revenge

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"I still don't understand why we can't go too," Demyx whined aloud.

"You don't?" Larxene asked incredulously, cackling loudly. Like a witch. "How do you _not_ understand? You and Axel went crazy during the last Nobody's Conference."

"Oh come _on._ We weren't that bad," Axel said.

"Yes," Luxord said, "you were."

"Since when does running around the conference room throwing globs of wet toilet paper at each other constitute as _not that bad?_" Xemnas asked, entering the hall. "You two were a disgrace. Which is why you're not going this year."

"Humph!" Demyx sighed grumpily, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I don't understand why _I_ don't get to go," Zexion muttered. "Last year, I sat there calmly and even told the cretins to stop running around like idiots."

"I'm truly sorry for that, Zexion, but I cannot let you go and not Axel. He's older that you and it wouldn't be fair if I let you go and not him," Xemnas replied calmly.

"I didn't want to go anyway," Axel said childishly.

"You did too," Demyx said, ruffling the redheads fried locks.

"So, if I'm to understand this correctly, I can't go because these two bozos can't control themselves even though I outrank them both and we never age."

"I can't go either," Roxas said faintly from the corner. Everyone looked over, a little startled. Most of the time everyone simply forgot about the Organization's youngest and newest member because he rarely spoke.

Zexion was consoled a little that that he wasn't stuck with two morons and Lexaeus, their meathead _babysitter._ A babysitter wouldn't be needed if they just locked Demyx and Axel in the basement. Problem solved.

Why Lexaeus had actually _volunteered_ to stay and babysit was beyond Zexion.

"See," Xemnas said in his usual polite, but sadistic manner. "Roxas cannot go either, even though he's probably more mature that most of the Organization.

Zexion merely stared at the Superior with his one uncovered eye. "_Xigbar_ get to go and we don't."

Xigbar, hearing his name, looked up from his Gameboy, smiling moronically. Zexion rolled his eyes. It was going to be a long night.

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A half-hour later, the five of them were sitting in Castle Oblivion's parlor, a fire (started by Axel) roaring in the fireplace. Zexion had wanted to retire to his room with a good book, but Lexaeus, who outranked even Zexion, insisted they all stay in the room together where he could keep an eye on them.

It was a harsh and severe punishment to defy a superior's direct orders. Which was why it sucked having Xigbar as number 2. He was always having them do incredibly stupid thinks like clip his toenails and eat them. Most of the time Xemnas just ordered them all to ignore whatever comes from Xigbar's mouth, but if he forgot, you were in for a long day.

Lexaeus handed each of the four deemed to young (or immature) to go to the conference a green bottle called _Weapon Shine!_ and a rag. He instructed them on hot to polish his swords (and let me tell you, Lexaeus had a lot of swords) and that was what they were to do for the rest of the night. Polish.

At one point, Zexion looked up to find Lexaeus' back turned and Axel dumping white powder into Lexaeus' bottle of Propel Fitness Water. For one wild second, he thought the powder was cocaine. But if Axel had coke, he wouldn't be wasting it on Lexaeus, that's for sure. Axel quickly screwed the cap back on, shook it up a bit, and sat back down just a Lexaeus was turning back around.

Several minutes later, Zexion heard the telltale sound of Lexaeus' overly large head connecting with the coffee table in front of him. Roxas quickly stood up, rushing over to number 5s unconscious form. "What did you put in his water?" he asked a bit hysterically.

"It was just crushed up sleeping pills," Axel replied nonchalantly. Demyx laughed gleefully and Zexion tossed the sword he'd been working on aside. If Axel was going to drug a superior, Zexion figured he might as well take advantage of it.

"Axel, that was pretty stupid," Zexion said, putting his required two-cents worth in.

"Yeah, I know," the redhead agreed. "Now follow me please."

Curious, Demyx and Zexion got up at once and followed Axel to the door, but Roxas lingered, looking down worriedly at their 'babysitter."

Axel, noticing Roxas' reluctance, stopped and said, "He's okay, Roxas. I only used two pills." Somewhat reassured, he took a step foreword, then stopped.

"We can't leave this room. Lexaeus gave us a direct order to stay here."

"Roooxxxxxasssssss!" Demyx whined. "We'll only get in trouble if we get caught."

"Yeah," Axel agreed. "As long as we're back here before he wakes up, we'll be fine."

"I suppose you're right," Roxas said, following the other three out the door. They stopped in Axel's room, eyeing the newly purchased items.

"You planned this?" Demyx asked with awe.

"Sure did," Axel replied with a grin. Sitting on the floor were dozens of rolls of toilet paper, packages of fireworks, and four black pant and shirt outfits, complete with scary Halloween masks.

"Let's get changed boys, we're going out!"

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For the first time since he'd become a Nobody, Zexion felt like being childish and immature. Usually he worked so hard at being aloof, but it would be a waste if he acted that way tonight. He tossed the roll of toilet paper over a high branch. The paper caught and the roll tumbled over the other side of the branch.

At first, it had been hard convincing Roxas to truly partake in the tp-ing, but now that he got the hang of it, he was tossing those rolls like a pro, for once truly acting like a fifteen year old kid.

The four quickly ran out of toilet paper and moved on the fireworks. Suprisingly enough, it had been Roxas' idea to toss the stink bombs into open windows. Usually he was so considerate of others it was almost sickening, but not now. Now, it was like he was a wild-child, hall hath no fury like a teen cooped up inside himself too long. Or something like that.

It wasn't long before the fireworks, too, ran out. "I've got an idea," Demyx said as they grudgingly trudged back to Castle Oblivion.

"What?" Roxas asked eagerly. It was like the kid was getting high from the excitement, Zexion sure thought so.

"Well, I know we've all questioned the sexuality of out fellow Organization members at one point or another," Demyx began.

"What do you mean?" Axel asked, worried and throwing Roxas a look before quickly looking away.

"Like with Marluxia, everyone _knows_ he's gay. Or at least bi. But what about some of the others? Like Xaldin or Xigbar. I think we should find out."

"What, like sneak into their rooms or something?" Roxas asked.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I mean."

Axel grinned evilly.

Once they got back inside the castle, they checked on Lexaeus. He was still out cold. They changed back into their robes and proceeded to Xigbar's room, who didn't even bother to lock the door.

Zexion went to the computer, figuring that if there was incriminating evidence to be found, it would be there. He first went to the files and saw that there was a file labeled 'Roxas.' Curious, he clicked on it and gasped. Picture after picture of a naked Roxas appeared on the screen, most of them shower shots.

"No fucking way!" Axel said, looking over Zexion's shoulder.

"What?" Demyx asked, looking up from the Playgirls he found under Xigbar's mattress. "Oh shit!"

Roxas, hearing his companions, looked over at the computer and paled. Faintly, he muttered, "I'm never going to shower again."

"Man, Roxas," Axel said, leaning in close to the monitor. "You've got a really nice-"

"If you finish that sentence, Axel, I will kill you. Painfully," Roxas said seriously. After a moment, he turned to Zexion and hissed, "Delete it!"

"Won't Xiggy notice?" Demyx asked.

"I doubt it," Zexion replied honestly. "I'm surprised he even knows how to turn a computer on. He'll probably just think he accidentally deleted it last time he looked at it." Roxas groaned at Zexion's last words.

"Are there any files of the rest of us?" Axel asked, clearly disappointed that the pictures of the nude Roxas were gone.

Zexion scrolled through the rest of them, not finding any with a specific name on them. There was, however, one labeled 'Me and X.' Zexion clicked on it. After seeing what it contained, squeaked, "I am scared for life!"

There, on the screen, were pictures of Xigbar with no other than Xaldin, in several different positions, some not so very natural. "I always did think they were close..." Demyx trailed off, shuddering.

Zexion closed out of it before he puked.

"Well, now we _know_ Xaldin and Xiggy are gay, who's room do we hit up next?" Axel asked, looking over at Roxas who still looked quite traumatized at seeing himself naked on another person's computer.

The four thought for a moment before Demyx looked up, grinning. "Larxene."

The other three stared at him, questioning every aspect of his sanity or thereof. "Are. You. Crazy?" Zexion asked finally. "If she catches us, she'll chop off our nuts, roast them, and eat 'em while we bleed to death."

"Only if she catches us."

"She will."

"I don't think she will, not if we're sneaky," Demyx insisted, glancing at his watch. "Besides, it's only midnight and they're not going to be back until late tomorrow."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Zexion said seriously. "Lexaeus could wake up at any time. Axel only gave him two sleeping pills."

"Actually," Axel began sheepishly, "it was more like five."

"_What?!" _Roxas and Zexion said at the same time.

"You said it was only two. You could kill him!"

"Have you seen how big he is?" Axel asked as if we were all as nitwitted as he was being right now. "Five sleeping pills will _not_ kill him. Hell, I take four every night."

"And you never make it out of bed until three in the afternoon," Roxas pointed out.

"That's because Xigbar makes breakfast and Larxene and Marluxia eat lunch. I can't _believe_ you guys actually eat the food that they cook!"

"We don't," Zexion said.

"What do you mean?"

"Roxas has one of those little stove things in his room so we just make our food in there," Demyx said.

"I've never seen it when I've been in your room," Axel whined to Roxas.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "That's because I hide in just in case the Superior comes into my room."

"You've never invited me to breakfast," Axel pouted.

"Get up before nine o'clock and maybe I will."

"Okay!" he said, suddenly cheerful. "I solemnly swear I shall never take another sleeping pill as long as Roxas cooks me breakfast."

"So," Demyx interrupted, "are we going into Larxene's room or not?"

The other three looked at each other. Roxas sighed, "I'm in."

"If Roxy boy's in, then I am," Axel said, grinning.

"We're going to get caught," Zexion sighed, shaking his head. "I know we're going to get caught, but I'm in."

Five minutes later, after leaving Xigbar's room the way it was when he left it, now with a certain file erased even from the recycle bin, they stood outside Larxene's door. Demyx tried the knob and grinned. "She didn't even lock it."

"That's because no one is stupid enough to go into Larxene's room," Zexion said.

"Except us," Roxas added, looking glum.

Demyx turned the knob the rest of the way and pushed the door open. The four walked into the room. "Piece of cake," he said.

Axel walked over to the light switch and flipped it. The lights came on, but that wasn't all. Dozens of thin red laser beams only centimeters from each other now blocked the door and the two windows.

"Do you think they're real?" Axel asked.

"I don't know, throw something at them," Demyx shrugged, not yet worried as he should have been.

Axel picked up one of Larxene's shoes, a black velvet pump, and threw it at the lasers. It disintegrated on the spot. "We. Are. So. Fucked."

Hours later, when Larxene finally opened her bedroom door accompanied by Lexaeus, she screeched, "I found them." The rest of the Organization quickly showed up, looking at them through the red beams.

"What are we going to do with them?" Marluxia asked, an amused expression gracing his face.

"I don't know yet," Xemnas said in careful contemplation.

"They're going to pay, that's what they're going to do," Lexaeus said menacingly. "They left _Weapon Shine!_ on my swords and stained them!"

Larxene ignored this. "They invaded _my_ fucking room and destroyed _my_ favorite shoes. Oh yeah, they're going to _pay."_

* * *

"This is cruel and unusual punishment," Axel said as he stood on the platform with Zexion, Demyx, and Roxas. "Cruel and unusual."

"Can it, Axel," Xemnas said, losing patience. "I'm sick of hearing your views on your punishment. You disobeyed direct orders and now you have to pay the consequences."

"But why does _Larxene_ have to pick our punishment. I mean, can't someone else?" Demyx asked fearfully.

"I think it's only fair that I get to pick your punishment," Larxene cackled gleefully. _"Now strip!"_

"What did you say?" Roxas asked, glancing quickly at Xigbar. He did _not _want to take his clothes off in front of Xigbar. Or Axel for that matter.

"I said _strip!_ Now do it!"

Glancing at each other, the four began to undress, tossing their robes on the ground.

"Ah, yes," Xigbar said happily, staring at the now naked Roxas. "Just like I remember."

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Leave me a review and let me know what you think. If you don't, the next story might contain Xaldin. In detail. Undressing. (shudders)**

**webofdreams89**

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